#be nice to me this took years off my life
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𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 || 𝐣𝐣 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤
pairing: jj maybank x fem!routledge!reader
tropes: 3rd person narration | sarah cameron’s pov | childhood best friends to lovers | brother’s best friend | best friend’s sister | fluff | soft boy jj
synopsis: sarah cameron meets her boyfriend’s sister for the first time, and understands what being soulmates means.
warnings: cursing, slightly mention of violence
wc: 2.9k
it’s my first time writing a character x reader (and actually writing a ff in years lmao) so i really hope this turned out well! also, i apologize for any typos or grammar errors but english is not my first language <3
song rec: about you - the 1975 ♡
“c’mon guys, time to go back. it’s starting to freeze out here.” pope said, placing his fishing rod by his side before getting up and walking towards the helm of the boat, kiara following him to keep him some company. he was right: the temperature had started to drop, and honestly he didn’t even know why the pogues decided to go fishing at the end of november.
they were all there, except for the pogue princess as they liked to call her. she was john b’s younger sister, just by one year; and even though she was definitely a pogue down to her core, she actually almost looked like a kook: she was always composed, never drank too much, never even touched a cigarette or a joint, and she worked her ass off every afternoon at the country club to help john b with the bills and to afford a few of the things she liked.
she was smart, kind, the type of girl to lighten up a room with the sound of her laughter. she was also one of the reasons why the ‘no pogue-on-pogue macking‘ rule was made: everyone kind of had a thing for her, and jj maybank was the first in line.
“i seriously regret coming, i think i’m going into hypothermia.” jj said, shuddering a little bit. yes, it was cold, but it wasn’t that cold. jj just liked to be dramatic.
“gosh, you’re such a pussy.” john b laughed, smacking his best friend behind the head. they’ve know each other for more than ten years now. they weren’t friends anymore, they were brothers. they loved and cared for each other very deeply, even if they were acting like jerks most of the time.
as pope started the engine of the hms pogue, ready to go back to the château, john b took his sweatshirt off to pass it to sarah, his new girlfriend. she was a kook, but she was different. she didn’t care about how dissimilar their lives were, she loved spending time with the pogues because they were real. they were amazing friends, they were funny and smart, and the kind of people you could have a serious conversation with. they weren’t superficial like the kooks, and she loved them for this.
she felt a little tap on her leg, catching with her vision her boyfriend’s sweater. she gave john b a smile and slid the blue piece of clothing on. “so, i’m meeting your sister for the first time today, uh. big step.” sarah joked, slightly pushing his arm.
since the first moment they started dating, john b had always talked about how he wanted her to meet his sister. she was the most important person in his life, especially after his dad went missing at sea during a storm. he actually wanted sarah to meet her right away, but she asked him to wait a couple of months, just to see if they were solid about this relationship. “yup, and trust me you’re gonna love her. she’s like a little ball of sunshine, she wouldn’t even hurt a fly.” he said, smiling at the thought how of sweet his sister was with everyone.
“he’s right. i don’t think i’ve even ever seen her mad.” jj stated, shifting his seat from john b’s right to sarah’s left.
“she seems really nice, but i’m not worried about me liking her, because, by what you guys always say about her, i already do. i’m just worried she won’t like me, you know because of the whole pogue-kook thing.”
everyone bursted out laughing at sarah’s words, her face more confused than ever. “what? what did I say?” kiara left pope at the helm of the boat, and went to sit in front of her, crossing her legs together. “you don’t need to worry about that, she doesn’t give a shit about the rivalry. trust me, she looks like she walked out of a cruise brochure. the only thing she wants is to see her brother with someone who makes him happy, which you do, so she’s totally gonna be fine with it.” sarah smiled at her words, feeling a bit more relieved now.
even though pope wasn’t seating next to them, he could still perfectly hear their conversation and see sarah’s tensed body. that’s why he decided to lighten up a bit the discussion. “you know, one time she made jj dress up as a reindeer.” he said getting out a chuckle at the memory of jj dressed as one of santa claus’s reindeers.
kiara followed him with a loud laughter “oh my god it’s true, i almost forgot it.”
sarah gave them an amazed look. she was enjoying this too much to not say anything. “okay, this is actually the funniest thing i’ve ever heard. did you had a red nose like little rudolph, too?” she said with a smirk, turning her head towards jj’s.
“oh shut up, all of you. i only did it because she asked. besides, she looked so happy when i changed into that costume. i would honestly do it again.” jj let out an involontary smile at the thought of y/n. it was like this all the time: wether he wanted it or not, the only thought of y/n made him feel like he was the happiest man on earth, even if he wasn’t. she just had that effect on him.
“god, it’s sickening how whipped you are for my sister.” john b said, mimicking a gag reflex.
jj rolled his eyes at his words. sarah switching her gaze between the two boys sitting one to her left, and the other to her right. she then stopped to look at jj. “wait- you like y/n?”
“like? hell, he loves that girl. he’s been in love with her since he was six. the random hook ups he has? that’s all for show. he only does it to not draw suspicion, since the only girl he’d like to fuck— and sorry john b— is y/n.” pope said, fully exposing his friend’s feelings.
not that jj cared anyway. everyone knew how he felt about her, he didn’t even try to deny it anymore.
“and you’re completely fine with it?“ sarah asked john b, knowing how protective he was when it came to his sister.
“i wasn’t always. first time he told me he loved her? i punched him. not my finest moment but i was kinda mad.” john b replied, slightly chuckling, reminiscing his right fist hitting jj’s jawbone. “i mean, the day before he tells me he sees her as a little sister and then that he wants to sleep with her? hell nah, i wasn’t having that.”
“and what changed your mind?”
“because it’s jj. i know my best friend, and i know how much he cares for her. i knew he was never going to hurt her, i’m actually pretty sure he would die for her.”
sarah nodded along. the look on jj’s face confirming that what john b had just said was a hundred percent true. in that moment a thought crossed her mind, making her think about how what jj and y/n must’ve been something truly special.
“bubba, we’re home.” john b shouted, as he opened the château’s door. the house was silent, except for a light melody coming from the bathroom and the sound of the shower running. “shower! be right there!” sarah heard y/n shout back, as every one of the pogues sat on the couch: her ending up between her boyfriend and kiara, next to who was seated pope; and a bit far away from them jj. she figured he left the space empty for y/n.
about ten minutes later, while the pogues were having a conversation about an upcoming party at the boneyard, a sixteen year old girl came out of the bathroom, wearing a pink sweater and long white sweatpants. white socks at her feet and long wet hair cascading down her back. she walked up to them, bending slightly to place a kiss on her brother’s cheek, and proceeding to do the same with all the others.
she then retraced her steps and stopped in front of sarah. “so you’re the reason why my brother stopped being a cranky old lady.” she smiled, offering her her right hand. “i’m y/n, it’s so nice to finally meet you.”
“sarah. it’s a pleasure to meet you too, john b’s always talking about you.” sarah replied, shaking her hand. y/n let out a small laugh, as she walked towards the end of the couch were jj was seated.
she plopped down next to him, tucking her legs under her bottom and leaning into him. he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer and gently leaving a kiss to the side of her head. “he’s always talking about you too. i swear the other night he woke me up around 3am just to tell me how amazing your date was. which, don’t get me wrong, i was very happy to hear about.”
“you literally throw a pillow in my face.” john b said.
“duh, because you woke me at 3 fucking a.m. i love you bird, but for gods sakes let a girl sleep.” she replied, making everyone laugh at her comment.
the conversation resumed pretty quickly, this time through with jj paying way less attention to it, more focused on the girl next to him.
the entire evening, between laughters and bottles of beers, sarah observed how jj and y/n were always caught up in their whole world. jj’s hands being constantly on her body, wether it was a arm around her shoulders or his hand on her leg. they were glued to each other, sometimes even whispering between them words only they could catch.
for the second time that day, sarah thought about how jj and y/n’s bond was special, going beyond simple friendship.
it was almost two a.m. when kie and pope left, both returning to their respective houses to avoid their parents storming out on them. sarah instead was going to spend the night there, so since jj and john b were on the front porch smoking a joint, obviously a jj’s idea, she and y/n were the only two people moving around the living room, cleaning up the mess of empty beer bottles and pizza boxes.
the whole night she noticed how jj and y/n acted around each other, so since they were now alone, she just felt like she had to ask. “so what’s the deal between you and jj?”
“there’s no deal, we’re friends.” y/n said calmly.
“bullshit, i noticed the way you look at him and how he looks at you. that’s the look of love, sweetie.” sarah decided not to mention how jj actually felt about her. it wasn’t her place to say tell the truth.
“nah, jj would never go for someone like me. he only sees me as a little sister, besides i’m not even his type.” she replied, giving her a kind smile, even though she felt like a lump was stuck right down her throat. y/n always knew she wasn’t the kind of girl jj would want, the were total polar opposites, and truthfully she never even considered herself that much beautiful to have a chance with him.
“since when jj has a type? doesn’t he hits on every breathing human being?” sarah knew this probably wasn’t the right thing to say, but sometimes people needed a little push to blurt out their feelings. to her surprise though, y/n laughed, most likely because she knew how their friend had a habit of flirting with almost every girl he met. it didn’t matter if they were pogues or tourons, or hell even kooks sometimes. a pretty girl is a pretty girl, doesn’t matter where she comes from.
“kinda, but he always hooks up with victoria-secrets-models type of girls, if you get what i mean. and apart from that, we want different things. he doesn’t do relationships and i don’t do random hook ups. not to mention how the possibility of me and jj being together would probably give an aneurysm to my brother.”
“eh, i wouldn’t be so sure about that, ya know. either way though, you like him, don’t you?“ sarah said, remembering the conversation she and the other guys had on the boat.
busted. y/n stayed silent, sailing her lips in a thin, straight line. she then closed her eyes and took a deep breath, getting ready to spill everything out. she figured it was time to tell the truth anyway, since sarah clearly figured everything out.
“i met jj when i was four, we were in kindergarten and some older boys were picking on me. i was smaller and basically on the edge of tears, until i saw this blonde boy running towards me and putting himself between us. even if he was younger than them he still took my defense. after that he walked me home and told me he was a friend of john b’s. since that day, i don’t think i’ve ever liked someone that wasn’t him.“
she took a small pause, just to catch her breath. but she was so caught up in narrating the whole story, that she didn’t notice john b and jj leaning against the doorframe.
jj’s eyes almost bursting out of his face at her words, not expecting to hear her confession. john b, very aware of how his best friend was going to lose his shit any minute now, he places his finger against his mouth, mimicking him to shut up.
“as we grew older the roles kinda reversed and i started to look out for him: when he would come here bruised because of his father i would hug him and clean him up; even if younger than him i helped him study, you know just avoiding he would fail some subjects. at night, dad used to let him sleep next to me or john b because he didn’t want to be alone, thing that of course dad prohibited when i turned twelve. that didn’t stop him though: he would sneak out as soon as john b would fall asleep and come under the covers with me.”
she let out a laugh. “would sir. freud love this? probably yes, but it doesn’t matter. he deserves someone that cares for him, everyone does. and it’s not pity or mercy, i genuinely want to be there for him, because he deserves the best. yet, because of his father he’s convinced he’s worthless, but he’s not. gosh, he’s so funny and smart, which i know sounds weird but he is. he would die for his friends and cares so much for us. and i’m sure he could make it out of obx if only he wanted to. and he’s always so supportive and gen-“
she could’ve kept going on, but she suddenly noticed the two boys staring right up at her. jj’s eyes were watery, like he was going to cry any second now. he didn’t cry much, only when really fucked up things happened in his life, but for the first time he felt like crying not because he was sad and tired but because he was happy. because finally he could’ve had something great going on in his life. he could’ve had her.
without saying anything he launched himself into y/n’s arms, letting her stumble back due to the rushed impact between their bodies. he hold her tight, his arms around her waist and hers around his neck. his face placed in the space between her shoulder and her neck, breathing in the smell of the coconut soap she always used. he didn’t care about sarah and john b still being in the room, he wouldn’t even care if a freaking zebra walked in the house. she was the only thing that mattered. she was his whole universe.
“you shouldn’t eavesdrop, maybank.” she said with a smirk, putting a bit of distance between their bodies so she could look at him in the face, but still managing to play with the of hair at the nape of his neck.
“did you actually mean it? like for real?”
“every word, jay. you know me, i would never lie to you.”
jj maybank was impulsive. half of the time he never thought before acting, which pretty much resulted in him dealing with the aftermath of his stupid decisions. that’s why he didn’t think twice in grabbing y/n’s face with his hands, pressing his lips against hers.
at first he felt her stiffening, probably surprised by his gesture, and for a moment he really thought he had just screwed everything up. but then her hands went to his shirt, yanking him even closer if possible, and he sensed her relaxing, her lips moving against his.
after what seemed like hours, he pulled back, only because they both needed air. if it was up to him, he would’ve spent hours kissing her without getting a break.
“i’ve been loving you for a long time, princess.” she smiled, her cheeks almost hurting because of all the happiness she was feeling.
“well, you’re very lucky then, because i’ve been loving you for a long time too.”
“i can’t watch this, i think i’m gonna throw up.”
sarah nudged her elbow into her boyfriend stomach, giving him a look that said ‘shut the fuck up or i’m killing you’. john b raised his hands in the air, admitting defeat.
and, as they watched jj starting to kiss y/n again, sarah thought of how her own relationship was truly amazing. but in her opinion? what y/n and jj had was the true definition of soulmates.
#outer banks#obx#jj obx#jj outer banks#jj x y/n#jj x you#jj x reader#jj maybank#jj fluff#fanfic#wattpad#ao3 fanfic#one shot#obx2#obx1#jj mayback x reader#jj mayback imagine#jj imagine#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank obx#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x you#jj maybank x y/n
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mccoy and spock get together towards the end of the five year mission, and spock is very, "obviously the doctor is aware that vulcans do not have casual relationships and almost always mate for life" and mccoy is, of course, "getting that damn vulcan to open up is like pulling teeth, how am i supposed to know how he feels about me" and this causes new and exciting problems when they're trying to sort out what they're DOING after the end of the five year mission
and mccoy is trying to subtly figure out if spock has any interest in being stationed together, and spock is, of course, the doctor is my mate, of course we will stay together, and mccoy gets offered this really exciting opportunity at a cutting edge research station that's still hands on enough with patients that it's perfect for him, and he kind of tosses it out there one evening to spock, hoping to get something from the bastard, and instead spock just skims through and stone face is like "in my opinion you should accept, it is precisely the opportunity you've been looking for" and mccoy sits there after spock leaves, like okay!!! i guess we're breaking up?? is this not even enough of a relationship for him to consider it a break up??? i may have to kill him. no jury would convict me. what! is! he! thinking!, and spock goes back to his quarters and immediately sends them a message like "i would like to apply for a position as well :)"
and mccoy still won't fucjing SAY what he MEANS because he doesn't want to be left vulnerable now that he's convinced himself that spock simply Doesn't Care Enough, and every time he at least tries to get like, some meaningful goodbye moments???? spock keeps blowing him off??? meanwhile spock is like "it is rewarding to know that the doctor wants to spend time with me, but i know he will miss our friends, and as his mate it is important for me to make sure he spends enough time with his friends before we all leave the ship", and then when mccoy says he's going to go visit joanna before he starts his new assignment, spock's like =/ wish he invited me along but I will respect his wishes and says he's going to go to vulcan between assignments, and then it's over! they're saying goodbye! and spock! just! leaves! and mccoy is just. absolutely furious and trying So Hard to Not Care but also!!! so!!!! furious!!!!
so anyway imagine his surprise when he arrives at the research facility for his new assignment three weeks later, and they're like "doctor mccoy!! so nice to meet you! your husband arrived two days ago, and he took it upon himself to set up your shared quarters and your office to your liking, but let us know if you need anything else, we're so thrilled to have you on board!"
and mccoy is just.
"i'm sorry. what did you just say?"
and spock comes walking out like everything is normal, and gives him the little vulcan finger kiss, and turns to the welcome party and says, "husband is a simplification of a vulcan term - we have not performed the human marriage rites, but he is my mate"
anyway yeah mccoy probably tries to strangle him.
they make a great first impression.
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January 1986
Steve sighed as he stepped out into the late January air. He loved visiting the quarry at this time of year, especially when he parents strolled into town. He took in the view with a smile. God, it really was beautiful. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who thought so. He spotted Eddie Munson's van parked not too far away. He recognized it from all the times he picked Dustin up from Hellfire. The side door was wide open. Steve shoved his hands in his pockets and decided that he should go say hello. Dustin wanted them both to get to know each other, and he insisted that he had nothing to be jealous about.
"Hello? Munson?" Steve asked and peered into the van. "Eddie?"
That's when he heard it. Someone screaming. His instincts immediately kicked in, and he ran towards the sound. Steve reached the edge of the quarry and saw Eddie clinging to a ledge.
"Oh my god! What are you doing?!" Steve exclaimed.
"Well, gee, Harrington, I thought I'd get a better view - I fucking fell!" Eddie shrieked.
"Grab my hand!" Steve yelled.
Steve laid on his stomach and threw his arm down. Eddie didn't waste a second and grabbed his hand. Steve secured himself and started pulling Eddie up, but it was awkward. Steve groaned as he tried to pull him up.
"Okay! You know what? Just let me go, man, I can swim!" Eddie yelled.
"At this height, that water turns into concrete, and then you turn into mashed potatoes!" Steve exclaimed.
"You just had to put that image into my head!" Eddie shrieked. "You're fucking with me!"
"Yeah, that's right! I want to be known as the person who saved Eddie Munson's life!" Steve yelled.
"With all that hero hair, I bet you do!" Eddie yelled.
"You're so fucking - "
He was infuriating, and with that, Steve managed to find something inside of him to pull Eddie up. They stumbled backward, Eddie falling into his arms. Eddie clung to him, pressing his face into his shoulder and breathing him in.
"What were you about to say?" Eddie gasped.
"I was going to say that you were so fucking annoying," Steve said. "So annoying that I managed to use that to yank you up."
"So, what you're saying is that I saved my life," Eddie said. "I knew I could do it."
Steve laughed and loosened his grip. Suddenly, Eddie squeezed on tighter with a loud squeak.
"Eddie?"
"Don't let me go," he whimpered.
"Yeah, okay, I got you," he said softly and pressed his cheek to the top of his head, stroking hair hair gently.
"I just came out here because. . .I'm afraid of heights," Eddie said. "And I thought that I could just get over it by coming and putting my feet over the edge. It was so dumb. No one else knows about it. . .well, except you."
"Any other fears I should know about?" Steve asked.
"Ducks. You better not fucking tell anyone," Eddie said. "It's bad enough that Jeff mocks me for it, and now Dustin."
"I don't blame you. They look like freaky looking dinosaurs," Steve said. "I mean, I'm not afraid of them, but I totally get it."
"You're the only who does," Eddie said, letting out a dry sob. "You smell nice, by the way."
Eddie got up off of Steve and helped him up. He started dusting the gravel out of Steve’s hair before working his way down to dust off his back and then. . .
"Eddie, that's my ass! You're basically smacking my ass," Steve said, blushing.
"I'm just trying to be as helpful as you were with me," Eddie said and then scowled. "How the hell is this thing so bouncy?"
"Okay!" Steve said whirling around.
"Your cheeks are pink, you as cold as I am?" Eddie asked.
"Yeah. I got a blanket and a thermos of hot chocolate in my car," Steve said. "You want some?"
"It's kismet! I actually got space in the back of my van for once," Eddie said.
Steve grabbed the thermos and the blanket. He crawled into the back with Eddie and threw the blanket over the both of them. They leaned back against the wall of the van, facing the open door. He poured some hot chocolate for Eddie.
"I make it myself," Steve said.
"Goddamn, this is good!" Eddie grinned. "You really like it with extra chocolate."
"Yeah," he shrugged.
"Hmm, me, too," Eddie said. "What else is in here?"
"Can't tell you, it's my secret," he said.
"I nearly died, and you can't tell me your secret ingredient?!" He asked in disbelief.
"No!" Steve laughed as Eddie invaded his space. "You don't know what boundaries are, do you?"
"You tell me to back off, and I will," Eddie replied.
"It's fine," he blushed.
"I seriously want to think you for saving my life, Steve," Eddie said as he sipped his hot chocolate. "I never wanted to believe that someone like you could be such a good dude."
"I'm sorry," Steve said.
"For what?" He asked.
"That jocks like me have put you through so much hell that that it's made you believe so poorly in the sport," Steve said.
"Well, I suppose it happens with every group. I mean, most people think all metalheads are satanic and evil," Eddie said, rolling his eyes.
"When really they're all a bunch of teddy bears," Steve smirked.
"Shut up," Eddie said. "I suppose we all make assumptions."
"Well, Dustin was right about you. You're a great guy," Steve said.
"Not that I care about what little shrimp thinks," Eddie scoffs, blushing. "Besides, he totally worships you."
"He does?" Steve asked.
"Oh, yeah, I was super jealous as hell, by the way," he said.
"Yeah, me too," Steve said.
"What brings you out here?" Eddie asked.
"Oh, uh, my parents are actually home for once," Steve said.
"You don't like them, or they don't like you?" Eddie asked.
"I don't like them because they don't like me," Steve replied.
"Damn."
"Yeah. . .my dad is still ragging on me to join him at his company selling insurance, but I do not want to do that," Steve said. "On top of that, they're trying to pick out the girl they want me to marry."
"Jesus," Eddie said. "They can't do that, can they?"
"Well, they have the power to make me homeless, which they have brought up several times," Steve said.
"They're threatening you?! Yeah, I can see why you want to hide from them," Eddie said. "Why are they trying to force you to marry a girl?"
"It's complicated," he said.
"Oh, come on, I saved your life, you owe me," Eddie teased.
"Uh, that's the other way around, asshole," Steve said and laughed.
"You don't have to say anything, man, if you don't want to," Eddie said.
"They walked in on my fucking my now ex-boyfriend. . .who ended things, but apparently I wasn't worth it," Steve said. "So, now they're trying to cover up the fact that their precious boy isn't a freak."
"Jesus, okay, yeah, your parents are fucked in the head. You can't help being gay," Eddie said.
"Bisexual, actually," Steve said.
"Okay, context clues. . .judging by the fact that bi means more than one and sexual means - okay, yeah, okay, I got it, don't explain it to me," Eddie said, and Steve giggled. "You got anywhere else to go? Like people who actually care."
"I mean, yeah, but - "
"If they truly care about you, you're never a burden, no matter how much you mess up," Eddie said. "It took me a long time to realize that with Uncle Wayne."
"Yeah, I got a few people," he blushed.
"Good," Eddie said.
"So, how often do you need saving from yourself?" Steve asked. "Is it a regular occurence?"
"Wayne would tell you that, yes, I can barely get out of the trailer without tripping over my own feet," Eddie said.
"It sounds like you might need me around to save you then," Steve smiled.
"I definitely could, and you being around to pull me off the ledge would save the rest of Wayne's hair," he said, flashing his dimples.
"Sounds like I've got my work cut out for me, then," he said.
"I like to think that I'm worth it," Eddie said.
"I'm definitely starting to see that," Steve said.
"You know, if I were your boyfriend, I think I would have stayed and fought your parents for you. You're definitely worth it," Eddie said, casually sipping his hot chocolate. "So, how serious was this boyfriend of yours?"
"I mean, not very," Steve said. "I wasn't heartbroken when he left. Hey, wait a minute. . .Eddie, do you want to be my boyfriend?"
"Oh, I thought you would never ask!" Eddie exclaimed and kissed his cheek. "Hell yeah, big boy!"
"I wasn't - I mean, you know, what never mind," Steve chuckled. "It worked out."
"Yeah, it did," Eddie said, snuggling into him.
"So, how hard are you going to test my ability to keep you alive?" Steve asked.
"Oh, you have no idea!"
They continued to talk for a long time until they could no longer feel their extremities.
LATER. . .
Steve followed Eddie into his trailer as he barrelled through the front door. Wayne jumped as the front door slammed open.
"Boy, what have I told you about slamming that door and scaring me like that?" Wayne asked.
"To keep it up. You know how you told me that this trailer wasn't big enough for me to be bringing girls over?" Eddie asked. "Well, I found a loophole! I brought a boy home instead!"
"I didn't know you liked boys," Wayne said.
"Until today, I didn't realize that I did either," Eddie said with a grin.
Steve closed the front door behind him and quickly turned to Eddie.
"What?" Steve asked.
"It wasn't until this angel saved me from falling to my death, and no, I'm not being dramatic, that I realized that I also like the boys, specifically this boy," Eddie said.
"I should have suspected this when you offered to introduce me to your uncle," he grinned. "But I didn't realize that you didn't know about yourself until today."
"Sorry," Eddie said. "So, I know it's last minute, but he'll be sleeping in my bed for a few days until he moves into his new place."
"You really save his life?" Wayne asked.
"Oh, yeah," Steve said. "Idiot looked too far over the quarry and nearly fell in."
"Eddie!" Wayne yelled and then laughed. "Sorry, I didn't get your name."
"Steve Harrington," he said and held out his hand for Wayne to shake.
"Steve Harrington, huh?" he asked in amusement as he shook his hand. "Well, thank you, Steve Harrington, for saving my boy."
"It was no problem," he said.
"Enjoy your hair while you can because you're in for it," he said, and Steve snorted at Eddie's yelp. "You're welcome to stay as long as you want."
"He makes wonderful hot chocolate," Eddie said. "Come on."
He followed Eddie into his bed and watched him rush around the room to make it more presentable.
"Eddie," Steve said.
"Yeah?"
"Are you sure about this? It's all happening so fast, and I just want to make sure that you're not jumping in because I saved your life," Steve said.
"I've been struggling with my sexuality for a long time now because other people just automatically make the assumption that just because I'm a freak that I'm also queer," Eddie sighed, "And condsidering that it came from people who just wanted to beat me up all the time, the more I wanted to prove them wrong. Then you came along, and all I wanted to do was to finally stop fighting it. You did that, and it wasn't because you saved my life. It's because you held me after and you didn't let me go. You made me feel safe."
Steve smiled. He cupped Eddie's face and kissed him.
"You made me feel safe, too, right here and right now," Steve said. "Thanks for giving me a place to run to. Hold me?"
"Done."
Eddie dropped the clothes he was holding and pulled Steve onto the bed, right into his safe arms. He didn't have to worry about his parents ever again.
"You're trying to seduce me for my hot chocolate recipe, aren't you?" Steve asked and Eddie laughed.
"You got me!"
Steve smiled as Eddie's laughter caused them both to shake. He pressed his ear close to his chest. He closed his eyes, falling asleep to the sound of Eddie's heartbeat and laughter.
#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#eddie stranger things#eddie munson lives#steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#bisexual steve harrington#bisexual eddie munson#bi as hell bi the way#stranger things fanfiction#rueleigh writes#rueleigh's thoughts
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Top Student
Ford Pines x Reader
MINORS DNI
Professor Pines has seemed a little down lately. You stop by his office with the intention of raising his spirits, as well as… other things.
tags: professor ford au, teacher/student relationship, oral, multiple orgasms, biting, fdom/msub, bondage, praise kink, p in v, creampie
okay confession this is inspired by a crush i had on a teacher in my senior year of high school, dude was a total nerd but in like a hot way. i literally applied myself so hard for him that i finished top of the class, still got the medal to prove it lmao. i’ve always had a thing for well read older men and that ain’t ever changing!!!
You stood outside the door to your Astronomy professor’s office. As of late Professor Pines had seemed less like himself, appearing to be not nearly as engaged in his lectures. He covered the material just fine, but his passion for the subject matter just wasn’t there anymore. He always looked exhausted and worn out as well. Were it any other professor, you still would’ve cared, but there was an ulterior motive that led you to stand at his door. You gave a knock.
“Come in!” Professor Pine’s voice called from behind the door.
You opened it and took in the sight of his office. The room was softly lit by both a floor and desk lamp, giving the space a cozier feel than what overhead lighting could achieve. Well stocked bookshelves stretched to the ceiling and multiple PhD diplomas lined the walls, from what you’d heard he had accumulated at least twelve. His desk faced the window and a couch sat in the corner. You stepped into the room.
“Oh hello, y/n. What a pleasant surprise.” He said.
“Evening, professor.”
“Good evening to you too. Please, take a seat.”
You sat on the couch, it was almost far too nice for just an office. Professor Pines really went above and beyond to make sure his students were comfortable. He turned in his chair to face you.
“So, what can I do for you?” He asked.
“Well, to be blunt I’m a little worried.”
His brow furrowed in concern.
“I’m surprised to hear you say that. You’re doing incredibly well in my course. Don’t go spreading this around, but you’re top of the class. I promise you have little, if anything, to worry about.”
“No, I wasn’t talking about myself. I meant you, professor.”
He gave a confused chuckle.
“Forgive me, I’m afraid I don’t quite understand.”
You took a deep breath.
“You’ve just been so… sad lately. It’s subtle, but you seem distant during your lectures, like you’re just going through the motions. You look so exhausted too.”
Professor Pines fidgeted with his hands.
“I appreciate your concern, but I can assure you I’m doing just fine. I promise.”
You looked at him directly in the eyes.
“Professor…”
“I’m sorry, I really do value your worries, but the life of your professor isn’t something you need invest yourself in. You’re incredibly sweet, but seriously I’m fine.”
“I know depression when I see it, I wouldn’t be a good student if I didn’t care.”
He let out a long sigh.
“If I really cannot dissuade you, then alright. Just promise to keep this between us.”
“Of course.”
“Things haven’t been going well for me romantically. It seems to be one failed relationship after another. They start off great for a few weeks, or if I’m lucky maybe a month or so, but no one has seemed to enjoy my company long term. I’m not exactly romantically adept, so it’s more my own fault than them, but still I’m starting to lose hope of finding someone. I’m not getting any younger and at my age you become painfully aware of just how little time you have left in the grand scheme of things. It’s really starting to feel like loneliness might be it for me.“
“Oh, professor. I had my suspicions that it might’ve been something like this, but I’m so sorry.”
He gave a small, dejected smile.
“You know, I really thought I was doing my best to hide it. Foolish of me to assume that you, my top student, wouldn’t catch on with that intuition of yours. I apologize if it’s affected the quality of my teaching.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Oh goodness, no. You don’t need to do anything for me.”
“Are you sure?” You said, standing and coming close to him.
“Wh- what are you doing?”
“I suppose now is as good a time as any, but I’ve always found you attractive, Professor Pines.”
His cheeks turned a dusty pink.
“Um… I- ah- thank you. I’ve always thought you were incredibly attractive as well, but perhaps you shouldn’t be standing so close like that.”
You moved a hand to his chest, there was a slight firmness to it. You moved in closer, your lips brushing against his ear.
“I think I could benefit from some private instruction, don’t you?” You whispered.
His breath shuddered. You leaned down and kissed him, he moaned softly into your mouth before pulling away.
“N- no, this is wrong. I- we can’t do this. Look, you can sit back down and we can discuss anything pertaining to my class, or you can leave and I’ll see you for tomorrow’s lectu-“
You sat on his desk, spreading your legs and slowly pulling up your skirt.
“I know you want this as badly as I do.” You cooed.
“I can’t- oh dear god, you weren’t wearing anything underneath that skirt this whole time? Did you… plan this?”
“I just figured I could help out my favorite professor.”
You slipped a finger to your clit, Professor Pines watched intently.
“You’re so wet, is this because of me?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve touched myself to you.”
“I’ve seen a lot in my time, but someone as radiant and stunning as you with your hand between your thighs and dripping onto my desk for me is by far the least expected.”
“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit, professor. Do you know how many people would throw themselves at a silver fox like you?” You purred.
Professor Pines moved himself out of his chair to stand in front of you, he cupped your cheek, kissing you passionately.
“If your flattery is a means to get me on my knees for you, I’d say you’ve won me over.” He said as he sank to the floor, his face level with your pussy.
He allowed his hot breath to linger on you for a moment before dragging his tongue up your dripping lips.
“You taste so good, sweetheart.” He said, his mouth finding your clit as you tangled your fingers in his hair.
Despite claiming to be romantically inept, he certainly wasn’t at pleasuring his lover. You had no idea what his past partners didn’t see in him, he could be as awkward as humanly possible, but his looks and skilled tongue would keep you cuffed.
He stopped for a moment and looked at you.
“How does that feel?” He asked.
You stroked his cheek.
“You’re so good for me.” You praised.
Your praise seemed to invigorate him, he returned his mouth and tongue to your clit, lapping at you furiously.
You felt yourself growing close and you tightened your grip on his hair. You moaned loudly as you came, bucking yourself against his face. He held your hips steady, keeping his mouth on you and making you cum again in record time. He refused to stop, not even allowing you to catch your breath before making you cum again and again until you lost count. Your ears rang by the time he removed his mouth.
“Holy fuuuuuck. You’re incredible, Professor Pines.” You panted, your final orgasm subsiding.
“Please, just call me Ford. After making you cum on my tongue that many times I think we’re past the need for formalities.” He said as he stood to kiss you.
“Well then Ford, how about we move this to the couch?” You said as your hearing fully returned to normal.
“But of course, sweetheart.”
He picked you up underneath your thighs and sat on the couch with you straddling his lap. You felt his hard cock press against you through his pants as you kissed him passionately, pulling down the turtleneck of his maroon sweater. You were about to bite his neck when you noticed a cartoonish tattoo of a smiling star giving a double thumbs up with the words “Hey now, I’m an all star.” You failed to stifle a laugh.
“What is it?” Ford asked.
“Nothing.”
You bit down on him, he gasped.
“Oh god, no one has ever done this to me before. People my age aren’t nearly as adventurous.” Ford whimpered.
You laughed again.
“You think that’s adventurous? Let me ask you something, have you ever been dominated before?”
He blushed hard.
“I- no, never. My partners have always preferred I take the dominant role.”
You kissed him deeply, biting his lower lip as you pulled away.
“I’m about to blow your mind, Stanford Pines. Now lie back.”
He followed your command, shifting himself to lay on the couch with you still on top of him.
“You ever had someone tie you up before?” You asked.
He looked away, embarrassed.
“…Not in a sexual way.” He mumbled.
You raised an eyebrow.
“Just what were you doing before you became a college professor?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Guess I’ll just have to fuck the information out of you.” You teased.
“You drive a hard bargain, my dear.”
You unbuckled his belt, pulling it free from his pants. You pinned his arms above his head, looping the belt around his wrists and fashioning it into handcuffs.
“How’s that, not too tight?” You asked.
“No, it feels snug.”
“Good.”
You let your hands travel to his pants, unzipping them and pulling out his cock.
“Goddamn, your previous partners are idiots. Who would pass up a cock like this?” You said, giving him a few strokes.
“Mmmnn, your hand feels so good.”
“I think I know something that’ll feel even better.”
You moved yourself to hover over his cock, slowly sinking down his length. He throbbed as you reached the base of his shaft. You looked down at him and smirked, staying still.
“Y- you can’t just sit there with my cock inside you and not move. Don’t tease me like this.” Ford whimpered.
“I need to hear you tell me how much you want this.”
“Please, I need you.” He said as he frantically attempted to buck his hips.
You pulled yourself off of him.
“No no no, please no, you can’t stop now.” He whined pitifully.
You cupped his chin, your thumb stroking his lips.
“You have to beg. Tell me just how badly you need your top student to fuck you.” You commanded.
“Oh god, please y/n. I need you. I fucking NEED you. Ever since that first day you walked into my class I’ve desired you so intensely. You don’t know how many times I’ve had to stroke myself because I lay awake at night thinking of you. I’ve even touched myself in the lecture hall between classes after seeing you sit in the front row in those little skirts, crossing and uncrossing your legs, your panties just barely visible. I’ve never longed for someone the way I have for you. Please fuck me, I can’t take much more of this.”
“Ugh you’re adorable when you beg, music to my ears.”
You took his full length back inside you, he let out a loud gasping moan as you began to lift and drop your hips.
“Thank you, dear Moses thank you. You feel so good, s- so warm and tight.” He shuddered.
You slipped your hands under his sweater to his nipples, pinching and tugging them. He was a mess of moans and whimpers.
“You like that, smart guy?” You purred.
He looked up at you in surprise.
“Did I say something?” You asked.
“No, I just- it’s funny, you’re not the first person to call me that, but I like it far better coming from you than I did him.”
“That’s my good boy.” You purred.
You felt him throb hard inside you.
“Nnngh, no one has ever said that to me before. Your praise alone could make a man cum.”
“I’ll have to keep that in mind.”
You gripped his shoulders, moving your hips to fully slide him out and back in over and over. Your name left his lips with a moan and he looked up at you, eyes full of pure lust.
“Oh god, just like that. Don’t stop, don’t ever stop.” He whined.
“So needy, you’re doing such a good job for me.”
You felt him throb repeatedly as his moans and whimpers increased in volume and prevalence.
“I’m so close, m- may I cum in you? I need to know what it’s like to fill you with my seed. Please, y/n.” Ford begged.
“Very good, handsome. I didn’t even have to tell you to beg. That alone deserves to be rewarded.”
You picked up your speed and felt the pulse of his cock one final time as he came deep inside you. He bucked his hips, trying his hardest to go as far in you as he could.
“Y- you’re s- s- so incredible.” He stuttered.
“And you make for one hell of a ride, handsome.” You purred, stroking his cheek.
You pulled yourself off of him and he looked down, his and your cum had completely stained the front of his pants.
“Oh god, we’ve made a mess.” He said, putting his hand to his forehead.
You giggled at the sight of him.
“Don’t laugh, you’re wearing a skirt, you can get away with it.” He groaned.
“Sorry, I just like the idea of leaving you with a little reminder of myself.”
Ford took your hand.
“You really are amazing, sweetheart. No one has ever come close to feeling like you.” He whispered.
“Yeah? How would you like to do this again sometime?”
“R- really?” He asked.
“Oh without question.”
“Then by all means, feel free to stop by tomorrow. Perhaps you could let me see you sans clothes next time.”
“Good boy, sounds like a plan.” You said, leaning down to kiss him.
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so it goes…
𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭: wen junhui x camgirl! f.reader
↳ Getting caught up in a moment. Lipstick on your face, so it goes. I'm yours to keep and I'm yours to lose.
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: non idol au
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5.6k
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: angst, camgirl reader, kind of anonymous camboy jun, smut warning below the cut
an: this was inspired by the song so it goes.. by taylor swift. This another one of my stories inspired by reputation songs. This can be read as a one shot but these guys and there friends are mention in a series of loosely connected stories called all for you
𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: unprotected sex(mc is on birth control), camgirl reader, creampie, snowballing?? kind of anonymous camboy jun, dirty talk, oral (male rec), recording sexual acts, fingering & handjobs, thigh riding, masturbation, nicknames: (hers) baby, baby girl, (his) baby,
Long before you even met Junhui you heard about him frequently from your friend from college friend. You and her had grown closer in the last year when she took up being a cam girl just like you. Your life as a cam girl wasn’t planned but down on your luck you had heard plenty of girls talk about how they make bank off of it so you decided to give it a try. After a month and half of doing it you were making so much money you didn’t bother looking back. Your online persona “cherrybby” was something you tried to keep separate from your everyday life.
You weren’t ashamed of your career path by any means. You would prefer that close family don’t know and you don’t normally tell new friends about your job until you're comfortable. The only downside of your career is dating. You’ve been a cam girl for three years and hadn’t even been on one date. Your sex life consists of pleasuring yourself on camera. You don’t know the last time a man had touched you.
On a random Monday afternoon you were having lunch with your friend kitten who is now a cam girl. She telling you all about how her boyfriend Joshua gets off on being in the room while she films. You can’t help but be envious that she’s able to have a stable relationship and this career.
“Have you gone out with anyone recently?” She asked.
A soft chuckle passes your lips, “I haven’t had sex with a man once since I started this job.”
“Would you be interested in dating someone?” You know that she has a large group of friends and you’ve met a few of the boys and they’re all extremely good looking.
“I feel like if I go on a date with someone they need to know even before dating me about my job,” you sigh.
“I have a friend named Junhui. He’s like only one of my only friends I told about my job after Shua found out.”
“Have I met him before?” You’re trying to remember all the boys you met the one time you met her at the bar.
“No you haven’t. Junhui isn’t going to judge you for your job. He’s a really nice guy, he’s really hard working. He’s one of those nine to five guys who wears a suit to work everyday and works in an office.”
She was right he didn’t judge you for your career. Kitten managed to set you up with Junhui a week after you had lunch. He took you out to dinner and a movie. You asked him if he would be okay with your job and he told you he’s fine with it. He told you he respected you for how hard you worked to make money. The one downside to him was, he let you know he wasn't able to be in a super serious relationship but he definitely wanted to date. You took that as you were going to be together but you weren’t going to put a label on it right away.
-
It’s been four months and in your mind Junhui is your boyfriend even though you’ve never had the talk about labels. You learned very early on that Junhui has a thing for appearing in your videos but remaining anonymous. He often wears a face mask and makes sure you only see him from the neck down. He’s never taken his clothes off on camera. He has no problem fingering you until you’re practically screaming or playing with you or using toys on you.
He’s sitting on the edge of the bed with you straddling his strong thigh. He’s dressed in business attire coming over straight from work. He’s wearing tight slacks, and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up showing the veins in his arms.
He always tries to see you before you go live. He made a joke about you riding his thigh and the next thing you knew he has you naked with your camera on. Your lips are painted a cherry color as your leave lipstick stains across the column of his neck. You grind your hips against this thigh getting the friction you desperately need.
It’s a blessing you live alone so you can be as loud as you need. Your fingers cling to his white dress shirt, rubbing yourself against his thigh harder.
“Fuck,” he softly moans. His hands grip your add helping you grind against him.
As you fall apart it takes everything not to moan his name. You instead opt for moaning, “baby” your name you only refer to him as on camera.
After you finish your stream you lay on your bed completely naked watching as Junhui stands next to the bed staring down at you. He’s fixing his tie that you had been holding on to as your orgasm washed over. “I wanted to suck the life out of you on camera.” You desperately want to give him head on camera or have him fuck you, but that’s against one of the only boundaries you have both set when it came to your streams. He wanted to remain fully anonymous and he didn’t want to be naked on your streaks.
He chuckles, “you can do it now off camera.”
“I thought you had to meet Seungcheol, Minghao, and Joshua at the bar?” You know he doesn’t have time for that.
“They can wait.” He unbuckles his belt.
“I shouldn’t make you late again,” you sit up slowly.
“Why don’t you come with me?” He pushes his dress pants and boxers down his strong thighs.
“It sounds like it’s a boys night.” He crawls onto the bed and strokes himself as he watches you crawl towards him.
He shakes his head, “it’s not, some of the boys are bringing their girlfriends. Shau is bringing Kitten, and Seungcheol is bringing Darling. Jihoon might also swing by and if he does his girlfriend might be with him.”
You lay on your stomach in front of him. You watch as he strokes his hardened length.
“Are you sure you want me to go?” You’re still always a little awkward when you go on outings with him.
“Yes I’m sure. Now are you going to suck me off like you desperately wanted to do?”
You can’t help but smile before you take over stroking him. He watched you with lust filled eyes. You slowly lick his sensitive head as you stroke him. “Are you going to tease me?” Hollowing your cheeks you take him into your mouth as far as he can go. The moans that pass his lips are absolutely intoxicating.
His fingers thread your hair pulling your hair away from your face.
“Fuck you’re so good at this,” he moans.
It doesn’t take long before he falls apart moaning your name. You hold him in your mouth swallowing every last drop of his release.
He pulls you up to him so you’re sitting on his lap. “I can’t get enough of you.” He crashes his lips into your not caring that he can taste his one cum on your tongue.
-
Leaning against the bar, he stares at you intently watching as you’re talking to Minghao and Kitten. You can feel his eyes burning into you. It’s intoxicating knowing that you’re the only thing he can focus on.
“You know I’ve never seen him so fascinated by a girl,” his roommate Minghao says.
“Seems like Junnie is down bad for you,” Kitten says smiling. He’s not the only one who is down bad. You’ve been seeing him for four months and it’s safe to say you are very in love with him. The problem is he hasn’t labeled your relationship and hasn’t mentioned being in love with you. “You know before you Junhui was so focused on work he never had time to date or go out. Since he started seeing you he's been more social again.”
“My dear roommate Junnie isn’t great with commitment. He never has been, he seems different with you.” You hope that means that he plans on defining your relationship soon.
“He’s the first guy I have dated in years and honestly I really love being with him. He’s kinda perfect for me.” Junhui is everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner. There is something special about the fact he’s so accepting about your career. Whatever you do Junhui doesn’t judge you.
“I’m lucky you introduced me to him,” you give Kitten a smile.
Joshua comes over wrapping his arms around her waist like pulling her back for a kiss.
Looking over at Junhui you give him a come hither look. Pushing himself off the bar he excuses himself from his conversation with Seungcheol. He comes over taking your hand in his. Placing a gentle kiss on the top of your hand. You lean in close to him and instantly feel a warmth take over you at being close to him.
“Can I spend the night at your place?” He asked.
“Of course.” You love when he spends the night. Your place gives you more privacy since you don’t have roommates.
You spend the night talking to Junhui friend’s who you now consider your own friends and when ten o’clock rolls around Junhui uses this as his opportunity to tell everyone he’s tired and needs to go to bed. Taking you by the hand he leads you out of the bar. The moment you’re in his car his hand is on your thigh telling you he can’t wait to have you naked.
The moment he walks into your apartments he drags you off to your room. With little effort he has you naked.
He has you on your side with your leg hooked over his arm as he stuffs your tight pussy full with each slow thrust from behind. Your hand reaches behind you, tangling your fingers in his hair. He leaves a trail of kisses across your shoulder. Definitely leaving bruises in his path. You adore how intimate this whole thing is between you. You don’t feel the need to try and come off as sexy. You can just be yourself and enjoy the way he’s making you feel.
“Baby-“ he moans in your ear.
He knows all the ways to make you fall apart.
“Rub your clit.”
Silently you follow his instructions. The coil in your stomach tightens as you’re close to falling apart.
As a white hot wave washes over you, you hold back desperately wanting to admit you love him.
-
It’s been two weeks since you went to the bar with Junhui and his friends. In those two weeks you’ve realized that you are indeed very much in love with him. He’s been super busy at work so you haven’t gotten to see him as much as normal. That doesn’t stop you from talking on the phone daily and even stealing a few minutes alone when you can.
You're making yourself a little snack before you go live. You’re already in your lingerie you plan on wearing. Dressed in a sheer blush colored bra that does nothing to cover your nipples and a pair of crotchless matching panties.
Your front door opens and you peek your head out of the kitchen to see Junhui walking in. He’s dressed in his normal business attire he wears to work. You didn’t plan on seeing him today. He had mentioned he had dinner plans with some of the boys.
“Hi baby,” he smiles, walking towards you. “I see I found you in your work clothes.”
“I was going to stream soon.”
“You look mouth watering,” he walks toward you. He backs you up until your butt hits the kitchen table. “Am I allowed to play with you before you go online?” If he’s asking to play with you off camera, you know that definitely means he wants to be naked with you. He just doesn’t want to toy with you while others watch.
You give him a playful pout, “you know I can’t say no to you.”
Without a word he picks you up, sitting you on the edge of the kitchen table. He stands between your legs. You tugs on his tie pulling him closer to you. “You didn’t go home after work?”
“Why would I?” He cocks his head to the side. “Especially when you’re walking around looking like this?”
“I thought you had dinner plans with Minghao, and Jeonghan?” You originally planned on streaming tonight, but you would much rather spend time with him.
“I told them something came up.”
“What came up?” Leaning forward you press your cherry painted lips against the collar of his crisp white shirt.
“I thought you might want me to stream with you.”
“Are you sure it’s just not because you wanted to see me?” You reply pulling back to look at him with doe eyes. Tugging on his tie pulling him closer to you. “can you tell me you missed me?”
“Baby I always miss you,” he smiles.
“I don’t want to go live I want you to fuck me instead.”
He doesn’t say anything, he just picks you up and carries you off to your bedroom. He tosses you on the bed with a smirk across his face.
“Baby did you want to film me fucking you?” He unbuttons his shirt.
“I thought you didn’t want to stream with your clothes off?”
“How about you film us and we can decide if you post it,” he reaches for your camera that’s sitting on your dresser.
“Okay,” you smiled.
Laying on the bed he sets up the camera and hits record. Sitting on your knees in the middle of the bed you watch as he slowly unbuttons his dress shirts. “You look so pretty sitting there watching me.”
“You’re just so pretty,” you smile.
Tossing his dress shirt on the floor he unbuckled his pants. “Can I take them off?” You asked?
“Anything you want pretty.” Crawling off the bed you move to your knees in front of him. You unbuttoned his pants and pushed them and his boxers down his strong thighs. His already hard cock slaps against his stomach. There is something thrilling about doing all this while you’re being recorded. You take him in your hands, bring his red tip to your lips. You kitten lick the tip earning a groan from him. “Are you going to tease me baby?” You don’t respond you look up him with doe eyes as you take him as far in your mouth as he can go. His fingers tangled in your hair holding it back from your face.
“Fuck I love you mouth,” he moans as you hollow your cheeks and bob your head. You’ve always found joy in giving him head. You love the noises he’s makes and you like that you can read him like a book when you have him like this.
“Baby I’m gonna cum in your mouth if you don’t stop right now.” Pulling off you release him with a pop.
He stares down at you for a moment looking like he’s on the brink of insanity. He reaches down, helping you stand up. He drags thumb across your bottom lip, swiping some of his precum and your spit. Parting your lips he places his thumb in your mouth. Sucking gently as you stare at him.
“How do you want me?” You asked.
“I want you to spread out for me.”
Laying the bed still dressed in your crotchless panties, he's sitting back on his knees. He’s running his cock through your fold. You gasp as his bulbous head nudges your sensitive clit. “You’re so wet.”
“It’s always for you-“
He pushes into you slowly. “Spread your legs for me more,” he sighs.
The whole time he’s thrusting into you, he kisses his way across your skin. He sucks on your nipple earning a wanton moan.
The whole time you're filming his eyes never leave yours. He watches you with this loving stare. This isn’t some lust filled haze he normally has. When he finally pushes you over the edge you don’t think you have ever cum that hard in your life.
“Where did you want me to finish?” He asked if his thrust started to grow sloppier.
“Inside,” you beg.
“I’m gonna fill you up,” he moans. He paints your walls white and he fills you with thick ropes of his cum. He stops moving and stares at you for a moment before saying “you’re so fucking perfect.”
He doesn’t realize that you think he’s your whole entire world.
-
Junhui finally has a day off and his one goal for the day was to spend time with you. He spent the night and loved being able to wake up in bed with you. You morning cuddle session turned into slow passionate morning sex where Junhui had you laying in your stomach with a pillow under your hips. He loved finding any position he can to fuck you from behind.
You’ve spent the day just enjoying each other's company. He planned on having a lazy night in, but forgot about the little gathering at Wonwoo and his girlfriend's place.
“Can you go with me to dinner at Wonwoo and honey’s place?” He says setting his phone down.
You glance up at him from your spot on the couch. “Sure who is all going?”
“Shau and kitten, Seungcheol and darling, Soonyoung and sweetie, Jihoon and ruby.”’ You realize instantly this is a dinner for most of the couples in the friend group.
“Hao and Hannie aren’t coming?”
“No, they are both busy.”
“Sure.”
Arriving at your friend's apartment you can’t help but feel a little strange that it’s all just couples. As the night goes on everyone is hanging out and you can’t help but focus on how each of the couples interact together. You’re reminded that from the outside looking in people must assume Junhui is your boyfriend. He’s spent most the night touching you in one way or another. Towards the end of the night you notice he’s kind of gone cold. He suddenly seems distant to everyone. He’s standing in the kitchen by himself getting a glass of wine water when you walk in.
“You okay Jun?”
He stares at you with his eyebrows knit together for a long moment before closing the distance between you. He cradles your face in his hands as he crashes his lips into yours.
“I want to get out of here,” he whispers against your lips.
“Okay we can leave.”
The car ride back to your place feels weird. Something seems off about him but you can’t figure out what.
Walking into your apartment the moment the door is shut he pushes you up against your wooden door. His finger tangles in your hair while he kisses you like he needs you to breathe. Pulling away from you for a moment he whispers your name before his hand roam your body. Pushing your dress off, he tugs on your underwear pulling them down your legs.
He seems like he’s desperate for you. Normally you would play along but you can’t figure out why this all feels so off.
His finger dip between your folds earning a moan. His eyes look empty as they stare at you for the first time. Suddenly it feels like a bucket of cold water has been dumped on you.
“Jun-“ you pause. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing- just- fuck-“ he seems destrought. He removes his hands from you and steps back. You pull your underwear backup as you wait for him to say more, but he doesn’t.
“Can I ask you something?” He doesn’t say anything he just stares at you. “What are we?” This question has been eating you alive for days.
“We’re dating,” he tilts his head to the side, his eyes still seeming empty.
“Are we exclusive?” You feel like you’re crazy for the fact you have to have this conversation almost five months in.
“Of course we are.”
“Are you my boyfriend?” You know this label was what was driving you insane.
“Why are we having this conversation tonight?” He sighs.
“Because something is wrong and I feel like we need to talk about what is bothering both of us.”
“This is what’s bothering you?” He seems void of emotions.
“Yeah. I don’t understand what we are. I want you to be my boyfriend,” you feel like you’re on the verge of crying.
“It’s complicated,” he sighs.
“It shouldn’t be. You act like my boyfriend. Hell we literally got invited to couples night with your friends.”
“I have so much going on in my life and I can’t fully commit to being your boyfriend. Work is so much right for me. I don’t have time to fully commit to you.” That’s bullshit. He’s constantly spending time with you. You see him at least three times a week.
“I’m not asking for much. I like what we have. I just want to call you my boyfriend and not feel crazy for being in love with you.” Telling him you love him like this feels wrong. It makes your chest burn. You always hoped to hear him say it first to you.
“You love me?” He looks completely caught off guard by your statement.
“Why do you sound shocked?”
“I don’t know,”
“I don’t think you love me, and that’s okay. But I think if you can’t commit to me more, for my own self preservation I need to stop this. This-“ you point between the two of you. “Is just going to break my heart.”
“I’m trying so hard not to break your heart.”
“But you aren’t really trying,” tears slowly start to slide down your cheek. “If you were actually trying to work with me. I wouldn’t feel like I’m going through a fucking maze trying to figure out what’s got you so upset.” You push away your tears. “I don’t know why you’re so guarded, because you won’t ever tell me why you’re like this. I feel like I know you, but at the same time there are so many things about yourself you keep hidden from me. But I have fully let you in. I showed you parts of myself I have been terrified to show other people. I never hid my job from you, you’re the first person I fully never trusted anyone to see that side of me.” He just stares at you with his eyes brimming with tears. “From the beginning I’ve never liked anyone like I like you. I’ve always been yours to keep, but at the same time yours to lose.” The silence in the room is screaming. “I think you should probably head out.” You reach on the floor picking up your dress that he peeled off you. You walk away from the door.
He nods and steps away from you. The moment the front door shuts you can’t help but sob. He made it very clear he doesn’t love you, and now you feel crazy for ever falling for him.
-
You haven’t spoken to him in two weeks, and in that time you’ve only gone live once. It wasn’t a normal long stream you would do for at least an hour. This one was short, and after one orgasm you needed the live. The whole time you were on camera you could only think of Junhui and it was breaking your heart. It didn’t help that the chat was asking where your mystery man you called “baby” was.
Getting over a one-sided breakup hurts. It doesn’t help that you don’t exactly have a ton of friends that live in the city. You could call Kitten but you felt weird since she’s friends with Junhui too.
Laying in bed looking through your phone you see the only sex tape that you and him had made together. You know he said you could post for subscribers only page behind a paywall, but you never intended for anyone to see this video other than the two of you. You know you should delete it or just store it in your hidden folder and move on but for some reason you watch it. The loving looking in his eyes as he slowly rolls his hips into yours over and over again. Before you reach the end of the video when you fall apart moaning his name, you close your phone. There is once again that ache in your chest.
-
There is a knock on the door and you have no clue who could be at your door. Opening the door you weren’t expecting to see Minghao of all people on the other side. You have no clue why Junhui's roommate is at your door.
“Hi?” You’re confused on why he’s here.
“You know Junnie won’t tell me anything, but he’s been sulking around the apartment for over two weeks and when I asked about you he looked like he was fighting back tears.” You step aside and Minghao walks in.
You don’t respond to his statement, you instead ask, “Would you like tea?”
“Please.”
He sits at your kitchen table as you make two cups of tea. You place a cup in front of him and sit down across from him.
“Are you going to tell me what happened with Junhui?” Minghao is probably the only of the few people in Junhui's friends that fully knows about your actual job.
“It’s complicated,” you sigh.
“I’m going to assume he’s the one that messed up,” he sighs before taking a sip of his tea.
“Hao, how would you explain to someone my relationship with him?” You’re curious to see what someone from the outside thinks of your relationship.
“You’re his girlfriend,” he raises an eyebrow.
“Turns out I wasn’t. Our relationship was odd. In my eyes he was my boyfriend, we were together all the time and he even took me on dates. Hell he even knew about my job and didn’t care.” You decided to leave out that he would film with you. “He would never fully commit though. He would dodge referring to me as his girlfriend. And when I asked him what we were, he just told me all the reasons he couldn’t be my boyfriend.”
Minghao takes a deep breath as he gives you a sympathetic look. “He got his heart broken really badly before you. She couldn’t take how busy he was with work. They dated for two years and one day she ended things saying that his job would always come first.”
“I don’t think he’s heartbroken this time. He made it clear he didn’t love me when I told him I loved him.”
He sets his cup down and has a confused look on his face. “What do you mean he doesn’t love you?”
“His response to my confession was, I’m trying really hard not to break your heart.”
“Fuck he’s dumb.”
“You know I let him see every part of me and never hid anything from him, and wouldn’t fully let me in.”
“Before you let go of him. Could you try talking to him one last time?”
“Minghao why? He’s not here trying to talk to me. You are?”
“Listen, he loves you and he wants more. He’s just scared.” He sighs. “He’s not as guarded as you think is.”
“You know he doesn’t talk about his family at all?”
“That’s because he’s has some issues with his family. It’s just him and his mom. His dad left when he was young. He works hard to help support his mom.”
“Why won’t he tell me this?” It hurts that he hasn’t tried to talk to you.
“I guess it’s his way of protecting himself.” He sighs standing up.
“He doesn’t have to protect himself when it comes to me.”
“You don’t have to do this, but maybe you should come by and see if he’ll talk to you.”
“He needs to come to me. I can’t put myself on the line anymore. I’m already hurt enough. If he wants to fix this he has to be the one to fix it.”
Minghao leaves, giving you a hug goodbye. You decide that night you need to let go of Wen Junhui.
-
Another week goes by before there is another knock on the door. You were getting ready to attempt to do a short stream. You threw on a robe fully covering your body.
Opening the door you’re surprised to see Junhui standing on the side. He’s dressed in his work clothes. He looks tired and there isn’t his normal light behind his eyes.
“Why are you here?” He opens his mouth to speak and nothing comes out before he sighs. “If you’re here to waste my time you can leave.”
“I’m not good at any of this stuff.”
“Clearly,” you retort.
“Can I come in so we can talk?”
Silently you step aside. He walks inside standing in the living room. You shut and lock the door. You can’t help but think about the last time you were together when he had you pressed up against it.
“It’s been a month,” you break the screaming silence.
“I know.”
“Junhui you broke my heart that day. What were you so in your head about that night. You seemed so cold at the party,” your eyes are already brimming with tears.
“I wish I could go back in time and change what happened that night.” He sighs leaning against the back of the couch.
“Why?”
“Because I fucked up and hurt you. I’m sorry I was so closed off and hurt you. That night I just watching us with all the couples confused me. I had always told myself I didn’t need a relationship like that that night just confused me. I thought I couldn’t give you what everyone else had.”
“I’ve felt like I did something wrong for an entire month. I thought that maybe the reason you’re so closed off is because of my job.” That little thought had been eating away at you for weeks.
He shakes his head. “Your job had nothing to do with this. It’s not your fault even the slightest. It’s not a good excuse but I got my heart broken by a girl I was with for years. She ended things because of how much I work. I know from the beginning you said you didn’t care that I was so busy, but I thought if I committed to more with you. That one day you would end it because I can’t always be there.”
You don’t say anything for a long moment. You step towards him. You stare at him for a long moment. You hate how sad he looks. “I’m not asking for you to be readily available to me twenty-four seven. I’m just asking for you to let yourself love me, and label what we have.” Reaching up, you rest your hand gently on his cheek. Your thumb slowly drags across his delicate skin. “I fell so incredibly hard for you, and you made me feel like I was insane for loving you.”
“You weren’t lying when you said you were mine to keep and mine to lose. I fell so hard for you too, and I was so scared that I was going to lose you.”
He looks like he’s about to cry. “I didn’t want to leave you. You pushed me away.”
“I don’t ever want to push you away again.”
“Let yourself love me then,” you sigh.
“I already do love you. I loved you when you kicked me out. I loved you every second we were apart. I still love you.”
The world suddenly feels like it’s spinning a little quicker. There’s nothing you can say in that moment. Leaning up you crash your lips into his for a heated kiss. Your arms are wrapped around his neck pulling him closer to you.
With his lips ghosting yours he whispers, “I love you.”
Pulling back you can’t help but smile, “that’s good because I love you too.”
“I would like for you to be my girlfriend. I’m just asking that you’re patient with me.”
“I can be patient,” you can’t help the happy tears that are starting to fall.
“Work is going to be crazy for me sometime. But just know I might be busy, but I’m always thinking about you, and I’m going to try my hardest to make time for you.”
“All I’m asking for is for you to always try your hardest with me and I’ll do the same with you,” he pressed his lips gently to the side of your mouth.
“I’m assuming by your robe you were getting ready to film?” He gently tugs on the belt.
“Yeah but I can film tomorrow. Maybe tonight we could take a bath and just spend time together.”
“I would love that.”
You knew that things always wouldn’t be the easiest. But all that mattered was that he loved you, and you loved him with your whole heart. All the pieces feel like they’re all suddenly falling into place.
#seventeen#seventeen x reader#seventeen fanfiction#seventeen smut#seventeen insert reader#wen junhui smut#wen junhui#wen junhui x reader#wen Junhui fanfiction#wen junhui x you#junhui smut#junhui x reader#moon junhui#moon Junhui x reader#my writing#lwymmd#so it goes#kpop smut
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"You don't find it, you make it"
Buck has lived with those words for years now, those words lived in the back of his mind for some time, honestly he nearly forgot about those words. But recently those words have resurfaced in his mind coming to the forefront. Buck stopped looking, knowing that it would never just stumble upon him, he had to make it. And he wanted to make it with Tommy.
Buck was never great at gifts for his partners, (family and friends were easy, partners on the other hand...) but Buck knew exactly what he was going to give to Tommy this Christmas.
It was June, Buck started to do his very delayed spring cleaning around his loft. (Who could blame him for doing it so late, his life has been a whirlwind and it just started to slow down) Luckily for him he actually had some help this year with it, Eddie and Maddie have refused to do so ever since he moved into the place. It's not like Buck needs the help, he's a grown adult, but it's nice to have the company. This year he had Tommy to help.
"Hey," Tommy smiled with a small peck of the lips while walking into Buck's apartment, "Eddie warned me to stay as far away as possible while you had a clipboard in your hands... should I be concerned?"
"What?" Buck scoffed, he's gonna have to have a word with Eddie when this was all over, "I am just proficient, there is nothing wrong with having an organized list!"
Buck grabbed Tommy by the hands leading him to the kitchen, "We are going to start at opposite ends and meet in the middle, I need you to first start with reorganizing the fridge. Here I made a crude chart of what it's supposed to look like." Buck shoved a clipboard into Tommy's hand-labeled 'kitchen', "And don't do it like how you have your fridge, it's a complete disaster, follow the instructions."
"There is something wrong with how I organize my fridge?" Tommy raised an eyebrow.
"Yes," Buck exasperated, "Who puts raw chicken in the same compartment as their vegetables!"
"Oh I see what they meant about 'Clipboard Buck'," Tommy chuckled, "Not gonna lie Evan it's kind of hot."
"No, no flirting Mr. we have work that has to be done." Buck kissed Tommy on the cheek and headed up the stairs.
It's when Buck was cleaning up his closet when he found the scrapbook, he never knew why exactly he saved it, but there it is resting in the corner of the closet. Those fateful words now ringing in his mind over and over. Then it clicked, the light bulb over his head sprang to life. A scrapbook! It was perfect.
For the next few months, Buck would bring a camera with him wherever the two of them went, hiking, to the beach, a picnic, dinner dates, everywhere.
"Why do you keep bringing that camera with you? What exactly are you planning Evan?" Tommy asked one night.
"You'll see, you just have to be patient," Buck smirked.
He even took pictures on their casual days off, Tommy asleep in bed, Tommy cuddling with Buck on the couch, Tommy in the kitchen making morning coffee after a night of intimacy.
After a while, Buck took more pictures than he could count. By the beginning of autumn, Buck finally got the supplies for Tommy's Christmas present, he started putting it together piece by piece. It was a week and a half later Buck had the entire thing ready leaving space to add on more with a small note inside that read:
A while ago someone said you cannot find it, you have to make it, here it to our future and making us possible.
It was Christmas Eve when Buck walked into his loft alone. The 118 holiday party at Bobby and Athena’s new home filled him up with joy and laughter. He nearly forgot that he was supposed to be with someone else. He was looking forward to a day at Maddie and Chimney's home where he would spend even more time with his family. Another day to forget. But all of that rushed back to him as soon as he stepped foot in his loft. All he could think of was Tommy, his smile, his warmth, his laughter that he ached for. Tears started to sting his eyes as the door clicked behind him. He wondered if Tommy was thinking about him.
Buck rushed up the stairs, grabbed the wrapped scrapbook, and headed back downstairs. He grabbed the nearest bottle of liquor a small trash can and a few matches. Buck shivered in the oddly cool air on his balcony throwing the gift into the small metal can pouring the liquor over it. The small match ignited in Buck's hand after striking it across the side of the matchbox. He took a minute to look at the movement of the small flame, then dropped it into the small can.
Flames ate away at the glittery wrapping paper revealing the crinkly smile Buck yearned for underneath. The edges of the handmade book shrink to ash. Quickly, Buck grabbed the scrapbook unable to get go of it, his hands burned from the hot flames but he didn't care, to lose this would hurt even more. Buck dropped it on the ground stomping out the flames, in a pitiful tilt Buck gazed down at the book, gently picking it up and opening it. He went through the pages, the memories, tears started to stream down his face. Buck's body collapsed onto one of the outdoor chairs, flipping through the pages.
"I guess even making it doesn't work after all," Buck muttered choking on his tears.
#angsty holiday stuff#bucktommy#evan buckley#tommy kinard#911#911 abc#911 fic#bucktommy fic#ficlet#mine
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The Great Big Käärijä Rhymes and Flow Analysis. It is done.
And because it is 28 pages long, I ain't posting it here.
Read it here or if you want the PDF, hit me up! Note: There are links in the text. They're not relevant to the analysis just funny, but be aware that they take you to another page, and getting back to where you left off depends on your device and platform.
Summary:
I've analysed the rhyme schemes and flow of three of his songs (Puuta heinää / Peliä EP, Fantastista / Fantastista album and Takavoltti / People's Champion album) and found, unsurprisingly, that he is indeed very good at what he does.
#käärijä#be nice to me this took years off my life#and i am NOT a musician so if i got some theory wrong then no i didn't and it's not my fault
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I’LL TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANNA GIVE ME!
#mitski#art#graphic design#be the cowboy#old friend#blue diner#girl. this thing took like a year off my life by crashing illustrator#i think it came out so nice though...#shoutout to pb for telling me to make some of the prices song times! n the oysters prompt#love ya#stuff i made
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spring in full fling now :]
#was gonnapost this on the first official day of spring but today was the first nice spring day in my area#do you think theyre having fun little adventures in the valley right now. do you think theyre waking up to pancakes and fishing all day.#grass took years off my life 🫶#to me theyre a little bit in love..........ough..#moomins#moominvalley#snufkin#snufmin#moomin fandom do you accept me into your ranks#the prompt was spring and rainbow so like. what else was i supposed to do.#veves ultra cool art
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.
#I've read some of you talking about your irls reaching out#Positive and negative thinga#And I'm... In the middle#I haven't hidden my love for 1D since it took over my life 3 years ago#So the people that know me know this about me#Granted they probably know more about Louis but still#One of my closest friends was a bit insensitive at first and I just couldn't reply#She then sort of came through and has been checking in#I don't think she realized how much it mattered to me#Then I told my best friend who's still back home#I also don't think she understood how important they are to me#She hasn't checked in again but she has sooo much shit on her plate that I don't even blame her although it still... A little bit#But I'm also like trying not to think they actually knew how seriously important these bois are to me#Anyway. Another friend... I saw him right after I found so I was still very much in shock and he knows about them and my deep connection#Saw him the next day he hugged me and asked me how I was and this was after the shock wore off and I had cried all night#I almost broke down again... But he hasn't checked in again and I'm a bit sad about it#Someone I met briefly in the summer and got to talking about the bois reached out and asked and I was glad they did#My sister has been checking in which has been very nice#Again... Idk... I don't need them to understand or be all over me asking or anything#It's just... Yeah.#And it just reinforces my gratitude for this space and the friends I've made the past couple of years#I have no idea where I'd be if I didn't have this and you all#But then again... The biggest reason I'm still in this community is the people I've met#So of course I would always have you here#Understanding something that outsiders could never#It's like trying to explain why Louis is so important to me... If you don't feel you won't get it#Rambles ramble#My eyes hurt
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...
#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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when i exchange a message whether i receive or send one i have to immediately shut off my device & walk some laps for a few minutes to shake off the adrenaline rush
#i try to forget that ever happened so i can relax because otherwise i get heart palpitations & headrush my uterus drops ETC#so i have to stay off of whatever site i just used for like an hour but now i have messages sent+received on every app#i can only escape to yourube & it sucks#also even anonymously i exit out of the thread/tab & ignore that tab for as long as it takes me to forget#& then i check back on the replies hours later or days even despite not ever posting bait i just get nervous#( but not always... خلّي أيامك أحلى )#currently hamster walking everywhere in my house & it took me a day to reply back ( was too busy agonizing )#could have been a month like last time. or year like the other two times before. IDK why i even bothered#WHEW#that one screencap i already posted before with the courage the cowardly dog picrel Shockingly not posted by me#but i might as well have i do the exact same thing & when people are nice to me i ride that high for a week if not more#the high i got from crushing it at scribbl with randoms in 2020 i rode for like two years & then the *** livestream in 2022#i am still riding today & ALWAYS WILL best days of my internet life for Serious look forwards to it annually cured me completely#from suicidal ideation. THANK YOU WOMEN. ^_^
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there's a very specific kind of vibe that comes with living with your friends in final year that it just does not have in first year or even second year. like as a fresher it's usually the first time any of you have lived away from home let alone with SO MANY people your age and it's terrifying and exciting and randomised to boot so it's generally carnage for a whole year in the best and worst ways, and then second year you pick who you're living with and it feels like for the first time you're doing this adult thing PROPERLY. you have a place of your own now. these are the people you've chosen to live with. studying gets serious etc. but it's still fresh. it's still new. you still don't know how to navigate it. but final year? final year is when you actually get it right. you know how to manage your time better. you know what works for you and what doesn't. studying is the main focus and you've been out in the world for three years now and it's not loud and boisterous like it was in first year and you're not exciteable and awkward like you were in second year. you're comfortable. every single one of my flatmates has their own friend group and we mainly keep to our own social circles, but we'll still meet each other back at the house after a night out and sit in the kitchen or my room to do the debrief. sometimes i'll go days not seeing either of them despite sharing a house but every now and then someone will softly call up the stairs that 'the heating's on!' or one of us will sneeze and the other two will yell 'bless you!' through the walls. the lack of interaction isn't interpreted as dislike in ways it would have been even last year, because we're all just old enough to be past that now and settled enough in our friendship not to worry about it. idk. uni is very loud and unsettling a lot of the time so it's been really sweet to see how almost boringly comfortable final year is.
#like my day today was literally drag myself out of bed at 10am to meet my econ friends bc we're in a group together#and i spent two hours with them writing a fucking TRADE REPORT before coming home#and the rest of the day was kinda lost. i showered. i put a wash on. i had a nap. i mainly stayed in my room#which sometimes is the End Of All Things but today was quite nice#and i can hear in their rooms how my flatmates are doing the exact same thing. pottering about and getting on with uni#and we've barely spoken all day but earlier my one flatmate ran into my room all excited to show me her nails#bc she's been teaching herself to do gels and it took her 2 hours but im still one of the first people she wanted to show#and just now we all went to use the bathroom at the same time and it led to one of our Stair Sessions#where we all inexplicably just gather on the stairs and chat for no reason with a cup of tea#idk it's just nice. it's such basic shit but i can't belive in first year i used to spend EVERY DAY with these girls#and we were one single friendship group and that was all we had#and then in second year one girl branched off bc she lived in a studio and got into her societies#but me and the other girl lived together again and it was the same thing of she was a friend before she was someone i lived with#and weirdly that can actually be detrimental to a dynamic. but this year we're all just very solidified and confident in ourselves#and where we stand and yes we all have our own friendship groups outside of the house now#but there's still that love and simple comfortableness around each other that you only get with time and a hell of a lot of proximity#and a sense of being settled that maybe is just what happens as you get older#idk it's just really nice. if i had this exact same day in first year (doing economics and barely leaving my room)#it would've been a really bad depressive day for me so the fact i can find such contentment from it now is really heartening#i love my little life here im very proud of what ive been able to achieve :)#hella goes to uni#feeling nostalgic because SOME BITCH decided to ribs post
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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#in a strange place today and i need to put this somewhere. i do not have a journal yet. this is it#my grandad was diagnosed with dementia years ago and the grandad i have now is often unrecognisable from the one i grew up with#and while this like isn’t fun and it is strange for him to look at me and not know me more times than he does. it has also been kind of l#lovely?#bc he thinks my granny is still alive so whenever i get to go see him i get to pretend she is too. and she is for a minute. and tho i am#glad she went before him. it is nice to say oh i’m popping in to see her after this grandad and talk about her like she’s hasn’t been gone#since i’ve been ten. my dad has spoken more to him in the last five years than he has his whole life#he was not an easy man. he was loud and friendly and hard working and funny and scary but not easy. in ways he is even#harder now. in others he is easier.#he is more of a child. this is what dementia can do to a brain. we are learning things about his childhood that no one alive has ever spoken#about. that no one knew. my dad doesn’t love him more now but he understands him better#my grandad taught me how to drive a tractor and how to fish through my dad and he has not recognised me in over a year and he#hasn’t walked since he broke his pelvis seven years ago and his muscles are nearly all gone. he is a fraction of the size he used to be. his#personality and body took up my childhood like adults on the screen in cartoons. he hasn’t dressed himself in a decade. he told one of the#nurses that after dinner he wanted ice cream plain like herself and nearly peed when she laughed and told him to fuck off#he is in there. he is himself. i know him. but he isn’t. he doesn’t know me but he allows me to tell him how to ppl he knows are doing. he#still somehow trusts me. we talk a lot about my granny and how she stayed up watching tv again last night so she’s tired today. don’t stay#long when you call in to see her?#whenever we would journey to see him and my granny and get in v late he’d ask us if we wanted apple tart and my granny would say michael.#not ur kids. u can’t parent them. he didn’t know my name yesterday but he asked me if i wanted apple tart#i hope he dies soon. for all that i will miss this. miss my dad having this. he would not want to live like this. it wouldntbe living to him
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Me: budgeting very strictly to buy the near-cheapest, most reliable car available
Also me: .......4L Jaguar... Vroom vroom ...
#i know i fly. i KNOW. if i didnt I'd have saved up a bit more#but life is for living and I cant buy a house here anyway#and i don't want to tie myself down for 40 years#but it would be super nice if buying a used car didnt wipe out the vast majority of my savings and leave me in that#'man i hope no other bog expenses suddenly come up' scenario ugh#bog expenses. whatever. im too tired to care#idk man it's just annoying that i took 3 weeks off work and spent a lot on a holiday and then this happens right after#esp. when it's like 1 month until payday still lol#the repair is about £500 and actually i could claim it on my insurance i think#but that car is just one £500 expense after the other and it bugs me with how underpowered it is#and it's definitely aching for a new clutch. mr. slippy disks#but then there's the risk of getting something just as troublesome#dios mio i am too sleepy for this shit#text tag
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